After waiting for my passport since September 8th, I am finally holding it in my hand the night of Halloween…
The last few weeks have been so full of indecision and wondering… I’ve been staying at Gin Bay (my mom’s farm) for about 10 days and I’ve been there alone, without her there. She’s been in Nashville, The Silicon Valley, Texas, etc. and I’ve been left home to prepare for my trip to South Africa and get some healthy distance between us. Once I knew when she was coming back, I made the fatal decision of trying to make amends before my big trip…
Okay, nobody died so it’s not necessarily fatal, but it was not pleasurable to say the least.
She came home after I had gone to sleep on a Thursday night. By Sunday, I was pulling out of the driveway, my car packed to the brim with my shit. May, I can’t tell you how SICK I am of packing up my shit and driving an hour and a half somewhere else to sleep..
I’M OVER IT!!
I regret not listening to my intuition (and my friends). Everyone in my life, and I mean everyone, says run from Mom and don’t bother with fixing things. Hell, she’s manic depressive..
I’m not sharing this story to shame her to try and seem like I’m a victim. I’m sharing, hoping to let someone know that it’s okay to leave a relationship that no longer feels “safe”. I’ve been by Mom’s side for 22 years, making music, taking trips, and creating lifelong memories. It’s been a hell of a ride. But it not longer is healthy for either one of us..
Everyone told me the same thing: “Ginger, it’s so great that you finally get the chance to spread your wings and fly! There’s so much of the world to explore and so many things to do. I’m so proud of you!”
Yet there I was, Thursday night, sleeping in a little room so I could have my privacy to do what I want, hoping things had changed between us.
LESSON: A relationship doesn’t change unless both parties want to change their behaviors.